


Because A Girl Needs A Gun These Days

by Verasteine



Category: Alles was zählt
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-05
Updated: 2011-05-05
Packaged: 2017-10-19 01:08:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/195209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verasteine/pseuds/Verasteine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Flo's daughter comes out as gay, Deniz is faced with the fact that he didn't want that for her at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Because A Girl Needs A Gun These Days

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://smirnoffmule.livejournal.com/profile)[**smirnoffmule**](http://smirnoffmule.livejournal.com/) for the speedy and fabulous beta, as always. Enjoy.
> 
> Title is from "Rattlesnakes", by Tori Amos.

"Sarah said what?!" Deniz stared blankly at his partner. "But... she's only fourteen."

Roman gave him a bemused look. "Are you suggesting what I think you are?"

Deniz threw his pen down on the stack of paperwork he'd been dealing with and met Roman's gaze. "No, but... Is she sure?"

He could tell Roman only just managed to stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Deniz... Of course she's sure. She came out to her parents."

"Well, that doesn't mean anything," Deniz replied instantly. He caught sight of the twinge of hurt that crossed Roman's face, and sighed. "Okay, sorry."

"Deniz..."

Roman sat down on the edge of the desk. Deniz leaned back in his chair and looked up at him. "How did Flo take it?"

Roman shrugged. "I don't think he's over the shock yet."

"And Franzi?"

"You know Franzi." Roman smiled. "She loves Sarah no matter what she turns out as."

Deniz was silent for a moment, pondering. "And she's really sure?"

Roman slapped his arm. "Deniz."

Deniz tried to look mock hurt, but when he met Roman's eyes the expression slid from his face. "I don't mean to suggest anything, it's just..."

"What?"

"Well, it's not an easy thing, and..." Deniz scrubbed a hand over his face. "I don't know."

Roman took hold of his chin and tipped his head up to kiss him. Deniz closed his eyes and kissed him back, letting the world be for a few seconds. "Why don't you believe Sarah?"

"I believe her." Deniz sighed. "It's just... I wish... Does she _have_ to be--"

Roman stood up, moving away from the desk before turning to confront him. "I'm trying to hold on to the idea that we've been married for nearly ten years and I haven't wanted to kill you too much during that time, but _what_?"

"Roman, I didn't mean-- I--"

"I think you meant it exactly like it sounded. Deniz, you know that being gay is not a choice, and yet you're making it sound like something you wish would go away. Is that what you think about us, too?"

Deniz breathed out in a rush. "Of course not; I love you."

Roman's eyes bore into him. "But you wish Sarah wasn't gay."

"No, I--" Deniz broke off. "Maybe... I..."

" _What_?"

"Roman..." Deniz got up and took a step forward, and Roman stepped back. Deniz felt himself go cold all over. "Don't be like this."

"'Don't be like this'?" Roman gestured at him in disbelief, like he always did when there were too many words crowding in his brain for his mouth to keep up with. "I'm sorry if I'm upsetting you, but my partner of twenty years has just announced that being gay really isn't what he'd planned for his life after all, or for his niece. What do you want me to say, Deniz? 'Thanks for clearing that up, let's go home'?"

Deniz leaned his hands on the desk and stared at the papers on it until they started blurring.

"Do you want to be with me?"

The insecurity sneaking into Roman's voice was something he'd put there, and he only had himself to blame. He looked up. "Of course I do."

"But you don't want to be gay."

"I do. I mean..." Angrily, Deniz shoved the stack of papers to the floor. "Man, what am I supposed to say? If I'd do it over again, I'd choose you? I'd choose this? _I don't know_."

He could see the pain he'd caused in Roman's eyes, and wanted to take his words back. But he'd promised himself, promised the both of them no more lies a long time ago, and he refused to skirt around the truth.

"Fuck you," Roman said, and turned on his heel and left.

\--

"Are you sure?" Deniz asked Sarah.

She stared at him a little defiantly from under the shock of pink hair that she insisted on dyeing into her fringe. "What?"

Deniz shrugged. "Well..."

"Uncle Deniz!" She still managed to make him feel old when she said that. "Why doesn't anyone take me seriously?"

"I do take you seriously." Deniz toyed with the glass of Coke in front of him. "But this isn't an easy thing, and you are very young."

"Well, you should know," she shot back sarcastically. Then she added, more quietly, "I mean..." She trailed off and looked at him. "Uncle Roman told me about his coming out, but you never did."

"Roman told you about--" Deniz cut himself off. "When was this?"

The teenager shrugged. "Oh, a while ago."

Roman had never mentioned this conversation to him, and coupled with their fight earlier in the day, Deniz suddenly felt like the world was a little less steady under his feet. He forced himself to focus on Sarah; his personal problems could wait.

"Will you tell me about yours?"

Sarah's brown eyes -- she definitely had inherited her father's eyes -- looked at him earnestly, and Deniz remembered a time when Flo had looked at him that way, only with a lot more fear in his gaze. "My coming out?"

She nodded. "Yes." And then added, "I mean, only if you want to. I know I'm not supposed to-- well, pry. It said so, in the book."

Deniz knew suddenly which book this was and narrowed his eyes. "Do you have our copy of _Trau Dich_ , by any chance?"

Sarah blushed. "I only borrowed it. Honest."

"Right." Deniz nodded slowly. "We'll skip the lesson on how you're supposed to ask."

Sarah rolled her eyes in the manner of all teenagers the world over. Deniz couldn't help but smile.

"When I first came out... The very first time I told someone, it was my dad." The memory made him smile in spite of all the pain associated with it. "And he didn't want to know."

"What?"

 _My dad, he wasn't always like he is now_. He remembered telling Florian that, so many years ago. The long, long history between all of them, so much of it unknown to Sarah, suddenly made him feel old in ways Sarah calling him 'uncle' couldn't. He missed Roman, with a heavy feeling in his heart, and knew that he had to go home and explain himself, not let the sun set on their problems this night.

He gave Sarah a wry smile. "Back then... You've got to remember, gay marriage wasn't even fully legal and... A lot of things had happened, things my father didn't want to happen to me."

"What do you mean?"

"Roman--" Deniz swallowed hard and forced himself to keep talking. "Roman had been attacked because he was gay, and--" He cleared his throat. "My dad didn't want that to happen to me, and also, us being Turkish, he--"

"Real men aren't gay," Sarah said, her voice soft but clear.

"Yes." Deniz looked at her. Her eyes were shining damply, but she took after her mother; she held her own. "So it took him a while."

She nodded. "How did you tell him?"

Deniz smiled. "I sort of implied it. By the time I got the courage to say the actual words, he cut me off."

"Things have changed a lot, though, haven't they? Since then?"

She sounded hopeful, like she was wishing it. Deniz looked at her. "Yes, things have changed. Not as much as they should have, maybe, but they've changed."

"Uncle Deniz, I..." She paused. "Thank you for telling me."

Deniz reached over and hugged her. "If there's anything, you can come to me. Me or Roman. You know that, right?"

"You're the coolest uncles ever," replied Sarah, and Deniz laughed.

\--

"Where were you?" Roman asked as soon as he walked in.

Deniz took off his coat and hung it on the rack, trying to find the strength to have this conversation now and not chicken out. "I went to talk to Sarah."

Roman looked up sharply. "What did you say?"

"We talked about coming out." Deniz came around the sofa and sat down on the living room table, facing Roman. "We need to talk."

Roman looked resentful, but finally nodded. "Okay."

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier."

Roman frowned distrustfully. "You meant what you said. Don't lie to me, Deniz, I know you too well. You meant it."

Deniz nodded. "I did. I do. And I'm sorry about that."

Roman stood up to be able to pace. Deniz watched him go from one wall to the other. He loved him so, so very much, and no matter what they'd been through, that had never changed. The one constant in his life since he'd been nineteen years old.

"Roman, I--"

"What?" Roman stopped and whirled to face him. "You're sorry but you wish you'd turned out straight? Really, all this is great but the world would be better if you weren't gay? What, Deniz, what?"

"The world would be _easier_ if I were straight." Deniz refused to lie about this, refused to back down, and definitely refused to raise his voice to his partner. "It's true, Roman. You know it is."

"If you could choose, would you change?" Roman's voice was low with hurt. "Would you?"

Deniz got up and walked over. Roman took a step back, holding himself back until Deniz answered his question. "Today," Deniz said, "no. If someone woke me up this morning and asked, then no. I would never change what I have now. But twenty years ago? Twenty five? Before the shit that I went through, the things you--" He had to break off, memories suddenly fresh and painful, choking up his voice and making him waver. It took a few seconds before he felt his control returning. "If I could change the things that happened to you, I would do it in a heartbeat, Roman. Even if it meant losing you."

Roman held out a hand, tentatively, as if he couldn't bring himself to do more but wanted to connect. Deniz took his hand and pulled him in, wrapping him up in a tight embrace.

After a few moments, Roman carefully extricated himself. "I don't not want to be gay. It's part of who I am, Deniz, it's-- it's me."

Deniz bit his lip. "I know."

Deniz ran two fingers through Roman's fringe, and Roman leaned into the touch. "Sarah deserves our full support. Not anything less."

"I know," Deniz said again. "But the things she's going to go through..."

"The world's a bad place." Roman's mouth twisted wryly. "I know it. But we have to stand by her, not tell her she'd be better off if she'd just been born different."

Deniz closed his eyes and tipped his head back, letting everything wash over him. He nodded. "You're right."

"And hey..." Roman cupped his cheek. "We turned out pretty okay. Even with your brash impulsiveness and my..."

"...vanity? Obsessive compulsions? Nervous disposition?" Deniz suggested, grinning.

Roman pinched him, making Deniz jump. "My natural caution."

"We balance each other out."

"Hmm."

Deniz kissed him lightly and smiled. "Oh, by the way, Sarah borrowed our copy of _Trau Dich_."

"Without asking?" Roman shrugged. "Oh, well, at least someone is finally putting that book to good use. If I recall correctly, you threw it at my feet."

Deniz made a face at the memory. "I picked it up again," he tried.

"That you did," Roman said. "That you did."

\--  
 _finis._


End file.
